"You Should Be A Stripper!"

When I was a freshman in high school, I, like every other freshman in our school, had to take a class that, for the life of me, I cannot remember the name of. (Sorry Mrs. Isbell, you were a wonderful teacher, I promise!) It was some sort of combo class of health and who knows what. Well, the first day a kid comes and sits down next to me just as class is about to start. I notice he looks a little old to be in an all freshman class but don't mention it. The teacher gives us a simple assignment and I set to work. I start, in traditional fashion, with writing my name on my paper. Suddenly I hear a chuckle. Old Man River next to me is looking at my paper laughing. I'm a little baffled but then he speaks, and his explanation only adds to the confusion.

OMR- "You should be a stripper!!"

...yeah...I didn't get it either.

Me- "umm, excuse me?!"

OMR- "You should be a stripper! You wouldn't even have to change your name!"

Up until this point I hadn't realized Kelli was such a great stripper name. It really puts Saved By The Bell in a new perspective doesn't it? Anyway, back to the story.

OMR- "Yeah, you wouldn't even have to change your name! You could just walk in and say (insert creeper voice here) Hi, I'm Kelli with an I"

Now, after all these years I still don't really think "Kelli with an I" is an earth shattering, show stopping stripper name, but to this day I still cannot manage to say "it's Kelli with an I" when asked how to spell my name. I have to spell out each letter one by one because who knows, maybe someone is anticipating the arrival of an exotic dancer smelling like candy and lust rather than a toddler toting mom with mystery slime on her jeans who pulls off "sexy" about as well as Channing Tatum pulls off dressing like Beyonce! That's right folks- it ain't pretty!